Theresa Fearon, Life and Relationship Coach


If he doesn't tell her about us, I will!

Posted on 3 April, 2019 at 10:40


I mean, really, why?  To show him you mean business? He doesn't, that's why he's procrastinating, dragging it out, making you wait.  He's giving you a dangler, keeping you on the hook because - and think about this - there's never a right time to tell someone that the relationship is over, is there?  Don't get me wrong, some guys do leave their long term partner for a lover.

And even a few are happy! 

Threatening your lover with exposure is a great way to end your relationship with him, so why not just do so without hurting anyone else, ie: his partner/significant other/wife?  Yes, you get to see him hurt and he'll know how you feel, but he'll be hurting for her, not you.  Why would he hurt for you?

The bottom line is, and it's a pretty harsh one, there are two types of guys that have affairs - the bored one or the needy one and neither one is for you.   The bored one loves his wife, but the relationship has gone stale and he doesn't feel valued.  The needy one has plenty of extra-maritals - he has  such low self-esteem that he needs a variety of women to boost it.  He'll also have very charming and narcissistic tendencies.   Either way, neither will love you in the way you deserve to be loved.

My advice?  If you're in a relationship with someone who's attached elsewhere, find the courage and leave.  He may be promising you the world and telling you how different your life will be when you're together fully, but it may be a long wait for him to prove that.  If you care about him, you're not going to stop caring overnight and if his relationship really is over, let him deal with the ramifications of that first.  You want him to come to you with clean hands.  You want him to value you as a woman, one with boundaries and values that say "I won't always make the right choices, but I will always try to do the right thing".  You want a man who's proud to be seen with you, not someone who's only happy to only sleep with you and, most of all, you need a partner you can trust.


Categories: Relationships, Love, Life