|Posted on 8 October, 2019 at 10:55|
STRATEGIES THAT DON’T WORK
Marriage Counsellor Homer McDonald, who has been practising privately for over 42 years, outlines 10 habitual strategies that misfire in his book, Stop Your Divorce!
Try to avoid these actions:
1. Reassuring your spouse by saying that you’re going to change. You’ve probably said this before and your partner may be tired of hearing it. Instead, let them see you accomplish the changes you’ve said you’re going to make.
2. Repeating over and over again that you love and need them. Acting needy and pressuring your partner may make them run faster.
3. Only praying and hoping that a divorce won’t happen. It’s good to hope and pray, but you must do something about it too – take action to find solutions that work for both of you to better your current situation with your relationship.
4. Arguing or reasoning. Trying to use logic with your partner to cause them to feel different feelings or do things differently generally doesn’t work.
5. Getting others to side with you. This is sure to put your partner on the defensive and show them your desperation. At such a critical time, acting desperate only makes it worse.
6. Acting depressed. This may work temporarily by making your spouse feel guilty, but in the long-term it will only increase their desire to get away from you.
7. Getting your kids to side with you. This is an absolute no-no. Your children want to love both of you and they deserve love from both of you.
8. Blaming your spouse and lecturing them about their lack of morals. If your spouse hasn’t realised their mistakes and personal challenges by now, they’re not going to do so just because you’re pointing them out.
9. Being pessimistic. For instance, you may say things like: “It’s no use. My spouse always acts this way.” Thoughts can manifest as reality. Instead, create a happy world for yourself and your spouse with optimistic thoughts. Believe that your spouse can change, but first change yourself.
10. Exaggerating. You may tend to exaggerate your spouse’s negative points. This isn’t fair to them, and they’ll surely resent it.
“People are not always very tolerant of the tears which they have themselves provoked.” - Proust