LIFE AND RELATIONSHIP COACH

THERESA FEARON-EMPOWER YOU    

Theresa Fearon, Life and Relationship Coach

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Don't Wait - Create!

Posted on 14 November, 2017 at 9:00

So..... 41 days till Christmas.  48 days till 2018.   Time to start planning if you want to make next year even more successful.   I've seen a lot on forward planning to earn more money next year, leave your job or take more vacations.  But it's not just work/career/financial goals that can benefit from a little forward thinking.   Like everything else, if you don't give your relationship the right amount of time, focus and attention, it will suffer.  And so will you.

That said, the following 3 questions will start you thinking about 2018 and what you want to achieve in your relationship.  Then for balance, answer them all areas of your life, such as :-

Relationship (current or future life partner)

Fun (happiness, hobbies)

Career (job satisfaction, career path)

Family (children, parents, relatives)

Social (friends, social networking, activities)

Health (exercise, diet, sport)

Money (savings, investments, debts, credit)

Creative (me-time, self-development, religion, spiritual, artistic, self-space, pampering).

Bet you'll discover something new.  And if you need any help in putting that all into practice to start achieving your goals once you've defined what they are, let me know.

For best results, don't just think the answers - write them down. 

"Write it down on real paper with a real pencil. And watch shit get real." - Erykah Badu

 1. What are your 3 biggest priorities for the coming year?

 2.  What is your biggest challenge in the upcoming year? 

3.   What are you the most excited about for the coming year?

That should set you up nicely for the next year, although I'm wondering : why not start now?

Do you know a Harvey Weinstein?

Posted on 18 October, 2017 at 6:35

Not the depraved sexual predator who used his immense power and control to subjugate and control any woman who crossed his path. No, not that Harvey Weinstein, I'm talking about the Harvey Weinstein who, stripped of all the horrible things he did to women, is, at the heart of it all, a sex addict.

Let's talk about THAT Harvey Weinstein. Because holed up in his private clinic in Godknowswhere, that's what he'll be treated for. An addiction which started with something small, like excessive masturbation or being hooked on porn, to visiting prostitutes. Escalating to being inappropriate around the opposite sex which, as we can see from the Weinstein story, took on a whole new level. I guarantee you - if you know a sex addict, chances are they all started like Harvey Weinstein.

What do all addicts have in common? Denial that they have a problem. Denial that the problem is a problem. Denial about their ability to stop. Because if they could, surely they would? Why choose to risk everything if they could possibly stop before it gets really serious?

If Harvey Weinstein could have stopped, he would have. Long before he lost everything. He would have taken the advice people were giving him, he would have accepted the hands of help he was offered and he would have been free from the grip of depravity.

But he didn't. He stayed in denial. And continued to tell himself that it wasn't a big deal. So what if his desire to masturbate in private escalated to masturbation in public? So what if he took what he wanted by force? That's what women are there for. BTW: people who pay for prostitutes see women in the same way - that's what they are there for.

Harvey Weinstein, on the face of it, had it all. A beautiful wife, more money than you could shake a stick at, power, and, to a certain extent, the respect of his peers. But there was one thing he didn't have. The one thing that has ultimately led him to fail at every relationship he's ever had. The one thing that has led him to throw away every good thing he's ever had in his life. The one thing that no amount of money, control, power can buy. The one thing every sex-addict, every drug-addict, every alcohol addict lacks.

Self-esteem.

People with high self-esteem don't live in shame and guilt.

People with high self-esteem don't use others to make themselves feel better.

People with high self-esteem do better, want better for themselves and others.

People with high self-esteem don't hurt the ones they love to feed their own ego.

People with high self-esteem don't hide behind a lie.

People with high self-esteem don't lie to themselves.

Ultimately, people with high self-esteem treat people how they want to be treated. With respect, with concern, with love. Sex addiction isn't the harmless bit of fun you think it is - it's a real inability to connect with someone else on a heart-centred love basis. And if you don't love yourself, how can you really love another person? Whether it's masturbating excessively, watching porn or visiting prostitutes, the connection is physical, visual, mental, but not emotional. And the longer it carries on, the more difficult it becomes to re-kindle that connection. Which is a bit of a paradox, because all the sex addict wants is to be loved. To have that intimate and loving connection with a real person.

And Harvey Weinstein denied himself the chance of that happening. Because he denied he had a problem. And we're not just talking intimate relationships. Notice how quickly and easily it has been for his close friends and family to disown him? He wasn't a really lovable guy in the first place. Low self-esteem will do that to you. It will feed your ego but not your soul.

And now his family are left to deal with his shameful and guilty secret. And in his very plush therapy suite, Harvey Weinstein will be answering the question, where it all started. He won't remember, of course, because 80% of sex addicts point to sexual abuse or emotional trauma in their childhood.

The really sad part of this story is the amount of people he hurt. Not least himself. And so many people have followed this story, distancing themselves from his behaviour. But we all know a Harvey Weinstein much closer to home. And we let him continue.


5 Tips to Eliminate Negativity

Posted on 9 October, 2017 at 8:45

Negativity can really affect your life. It can lead to depression, cause health issues, and destroy your connections with others. Here are a few tips to help you eliminate the negativity in your life.

1. First, figure out what is triggering the negativity. Before you can eliminate it, you have to identify it. You will probably find that much of your negativity comes from those self-tapes you play in your head. You need to find ways to change those tapes from negative to positive. One way of doing this is using affirmations. Just make sure the affirmations are very specifically tied to the actual negative thoughts.

This is where a lot of people go wrong with affirmations. They use general ones that really are not relevant to their own issues. This is like general praise, it works some of the time, but can be overdone. Try to stick as close to the negative tape as possible, and only change the negative to a positive.

2. Meditation and yoga are both great ways to cut down on the negativity in your life. Both focus on using breathing exercises to replenish your body. Yoga also helps with developing flexibility and strength in your body. Meditation mainly focuses on mind, but can really help you change how you think about things, especially if you combine this with the affirmations.

3. Smiling more can help, too, and is a simple way to help eliminate negativity. Studies have shown that you can even sense when talking on the phone to someone that they are smiling. Smiling is contagious and can not only help you feel more positive, but help those around you, as well.

4. Have you ever noticed that when you are in a good mood, and you talk with that one person who is always negative, it brings your mood down? Focus on people in your life who are positive. As much as possible, get rid of, or limit contact with negative people. Sometimes you can ot completely do this, especially if they are family, but try to limit as much as you can.

5. Playing the victim keeps you in a negative mindset. By taking control of your life and your choices, you can eliminate a lot of the negativity. No matter how much it seems everything is out of your control, you do have choices. Even if you have disabilities, or health conditions, you can find ways to work around them to accomplish what you want to do.

Can an affair ever become a healthy relationship?

Posted on 19 September, 2017 at 4:40

I met up with a friend for lunch last week, and we got on the subject of horror films.  She mentioned a film (I won't share that), and told me that was the worst/scariest/most gruesome film she'd ever seen.  She actually warned me not to watch it.  Ever.

On Sunday, when I was giving the bedroom a good old spring clean, I decided to check it out on Netflix (don't judge me).  After all, my friend is not me.  I'm no prude and I'm no wimp either.  I'm a grown up - over 50 and I'm perfectly capable of deciding what I can/can't watch.  I make my own choices.  And if I really don't like it - there's that magical contraption called a remote.  I can simply switch it off.

So, I put the film on whilst struggling to fit the duvet in its cover (what's the best way without having to go all the way in myself?) and watched as the gist of the story unfolded.  Suffice to say, my friend was right to warn me.  I ended up scrambling for the remote to switch it off, and I don't often feel compelled to judge a group of people straight off like that, but I'm sorry, there were some twisted and extremely dark minds at play there......

Even though I didn't even come close to watching the whole film, what I did see has stayed with me.

Even though I had been warned by someone who had had that experience, I chose to ignore "advice" for my own experience.

I have lost a little bit of me, since watching 30 mins of a film.  But it's only me (and I can heal myself with Reiki)

Research has it that only 10% of affairs last even a month, and the rest last, at most, a year or two. Very few extramarital affairs last longer than three or four years. (Dr Tammy Nelson).  So you do the maths.  Even the Jolie-Pitts, with all their trappings only lasted 9 years in toll, and a couple of years as a married couple.  The "advice" about affairs is out there.  And yet, 1 person in every 3 couples (average statistic) will take that chance, will get caught up in the "fairytale, soulmate, can't live without you" dream and wake up in the "guilt, hurt, shame" nightmare.

And they will lose a little bit of themselves.  But it won't just be them left with the pain.

And it will stay with you. And others.

And you will end up asking yourself repeatedly why you didn't listen.  


Happy New Year

Posted on 6 September, 2017 at 9:20

Happy New Year to you all, and I hope that you achieve all your dreams/goals/aspirations in the coming year…..

No, I am not mad (although there are a few out there that will claim otherwise). And come January 1st 2018 – when you are making your resolutions, setting your 12 month plan, I will be a quarter way into mine.

You see, today, 6 September 2017, my son went back to school. This is his New Year, a year where he has to achieve his goals before embarking on this GCSE’s next year. He went back to a new school year, with a new uniform, new school equipment, new outlook. Another school year where he can make a difference. And so, courtesy of a client, I have now adopted this idea and I’m making this my New Year too.

And under the watchful gaze of the September Full Moon, I will write up my goals and my wish list. I will thank the Universe for bringing me through the last year, with all it’s highs and lows and I will ask the Universe to help me embrace, gratefully, every day moving forward.

Happy New Year – I’ll drink to that!


 

 

RELATIONSHIP RULE - THE KEY TO GREAT SEX IS COMMUNICATION

Posted on 4 September, 2017 at 10:30

Anybody can have good sex. Most of us have had bad sex!  But great sex?  Especially when you've been with your partner for years?

The answer is yes.  You can upgrade your sex life immediately and easily because there's no secret or trick to it.  Simply put, the key to having great sex with your partner is ..... great communication. Yes, it's that easy.  And good communication includes positive speech - not negative criticism.


To find out more about improving your sex life, please contact me.


Sssh.. This is a little delicate.....

Posted on 4 September, 2017 at 10:00

How can I put this?


If you're in an exclusive, one-one-one relationship, there's no need for a third person.  It may seem sexy/exciting/grown-up/fun, but trust me, it nearly always ends in tears.  This is one temptation that you should leave alone, unless you are prepared to lose everything.

And if your partner says they will leave you if you don't comply.......Wave them goodbye!




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